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Rage Against The "System:" Why Funnels Will Always Fail You

3/19/2017

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I haven't been shy about railing against this cult-fodder nonsense, but it's clearly time to speak out more loudly.  

So, here we go. I'm about to get LOUD.

4 of the 6 new-client calls I took in last week were recovering from investing in a "system." Recouping their losses from purchasing an "intensive," expensive, "time-tested method" that would earn them 6-figure months. Guaran-Fucking-Teed.

I am up-to-here with these charlatans, y'all. I can't stomach another real, human business getting sucked up into this CRAP. Please read this. Please share it with someone who needs it.
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A "system" ad shows up in my Facebook Feed at least once a day. SO this morning, I immediately signed up for one of  their "proven systems" so I could screenshot it, quote it, and break down the scam step-by-step for you. 

Here's how it's going to work. I'm going to run through this process from Ad to Pitch. I'll be highlighting the words that will serve as red flags for anybody NOT trying to get ripped off. Cool?
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1. Here was the Ad in my Facebook Feed.

​I am NOT trying to hate on this particular guy - they're all pretty much the same anyway - so I'll be hiding his identity as much as I can.
Why Funnels Will Always Fail You
FREE Masterclass For Coaches
Discover The Proven 3-Step Process We Use To Attract Dozens of Perfect Clients Into Our Coaching Business Every Month And Scale To Multiple 7 Figures
(By Doing The Exact OPPOSITE of What Most People Are Telling You To Do)
Lucky for me, his "LIVE" webinar was starting in 6 minutes (and 20 minutes after that and 20 minutes after that...). NEATO. And expected, but whatever. It suited my purposes for this experiment exactly. 

I went ahead and clicked through to the Webinar - after all, it was just 5 minutes away now.
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RED FLAGS SO FAR: He's already called it a "Process," and even a "System." Straight up. It's also the "ONLY" funnel for getting clients. Fancy!

2. The Confirmation Email(s) 

With only 5 minutes to go for the "Live" webinar, I still got a confirmation email. It reminded me that I was about to learn "How to Get More Coaching Clients Than You'll Ever Need!"  

That was enough to get me excited about ripping this thing to shreds. But there was more! I mean, he "really didn't want me to miss out!" And to make sure I was "ready" for this mind-blowing info, he needed to confirm some basics:
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​AM I SERIOUS ABOUT MY LIFE?

Oh, man, you're just writing my article for me.

But let's try to keep a level head, shall we?  I mean, the "Live webinar" is just 3 minutes away. . .

. . .And I'm about to get ANOTHER email present full of promises:

​
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RED FLAGS HERE : "Quickly," "#1, "Perfect, "Never," "Funnel," "Harvard," "Leverage," "Formula" - A stunning 8 con giveaways in 5 sentences.

Y'all he's 'bout to "Share Everything" He "Knows On..."

Well, you already know that's not what happened. Here's what DID happen in his "Life-Changing" webinar, though. And to be clear here, I'm using quotation marks to designate, like, quotations.

This is what he REALLY said on the recording.

3. The "Live" Webinar

It's obviously not Live. But we knew that already. Still, there are "99 people" in attendance. Good thing, since the live webinar can apparently "only accommodate 100." Except that any GoToWebinar user knows even the free account can host 1000.

Once we get through the requisite 10 minutes about the Host's own Clichéd Success, we're invited to consider whether or not we're WORTHY of his content.
​
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Actual screenshot from the webinar
During this section, the host explicitly says that this is "NOT a System." Uh-huh.

So here, you're clearly expect to define yourself as ethical, hard-working, and skilled. "EVEN IF" the host, constantly reminds, "you've just gotten started and no one knows you."

You see how this is designed to attract EXACTLY the ones it says it ISN'T for, right?
​​
Highlights from the webinar Preamble are:
  • "If it doesn't produce almost-immediate results, it doesn't go on the to-do list."
  • If I can "make it simple, it will be extremely profitable."
  • If you are watching this, you are "1 month a way from a 6-figure a month coaching business." 

RED FLAGS IN THIS SECTION: "Almost-immediate results," "simple," "extremely profitable," and 6-figures a month," should already have you reaching for the vomit bag.

​And now it's time for  the requisite "client example" who earned $20K in his first month after following the "system." The first of 3. Yeah, they get more and more successful.

But from the 20-40 minute marks, our host harps on PRICING.  Which is where it gets REAL fun!
​

During the 20-minute Pricing Section/Tirade, our host LITERALLY uses the word "inflate" when referring to coaches' "intangible products." 

THIS IS ALSO WHERE OUR WEBINAR HOSTS STARTS WEAVING IN TRUTH TO HIS FICTION TO MAKE IT MORE CONVINCING.
​
TRUTH #1: Trading hours for money cannot be scaled. 

PROBLEM: You may not give a shit.


Trading hours for income means what it means for EVERY human who works for a living. That you'll have to (gasp!) work for your money.  This is true.

What is NOT true is that this is an intrinsically bad thing. If it were, you could go around saying, "Hey 9-5'ers, you're idiots."

I suppose it's bad if you got into business for yourself so you could work 2 days a week while living on a Greek island.  God knows there are plenty of websites that want to make you believe this is a thing to which you SHOULD aspire. (This is yet another of them).

But here's the thing about that laptop-beach mindset. Maybe some of us don't have a problem providing incredible services for a living wage.  More than a few of us aren't shooting for Greek islands straight out the gate. 

Trading hours for money is what every single 9-5'er on the planet does.  Assuming that the  majority of us who run our own business are doing it so we don't have to work every day is an INSANELY PRIVILEGED rubric, ya'll.

AND it's an assertion that is setting you up for all kinds of expectations that can seriously mess you up. Is your goal to pay your mortgage, meet your bills, feed your kids, and put away some savings while doing what you love while working from home? Then, PLEASE tune out this crap. 


TRUTH #2: You're not charging enough.

PROBLEM:  This one is particularly enticing, because it IS  going to strike a chord.

It is VERY rare for a seasoned provider to adequately evaluate the value of her service on the market. It's also WHY our host spends so much time here, and why you may not notice when he goes Classist on ya'.

​
You're gonna want to lean in REAL close for this one. It's a DOOZIE.


Accordingly, our Webinar host REALLY wants you to charge more for your services. Yes, STILL if no one knows you and if you've never had a single client!
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Not just a little more, though.  A LOT MORE. As he leans in to drive this point home, the host appeals to YOUR inherent value and the Lack-Of-Value of those who "won't" pay your prices.

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Actual screenshot from this webinar

But he doesn't spend his time telling you how GREAT you are. Oh NO. He spends the entire time convincing you that people who "won't" pay high-end prices aren't WORTHY of help.

These are REAL quotes from the webinar:

The clients in his example who wouldn't pay top dollar (The example was going from $45/hr to a $3000 program) are described as:
  • "Bad Clients"  - "They want everything  for free."
  • "Unqualified People" - "They're not ready."
  • "Time Wasters" - They can't pay your prices.

All I can say here is WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK?

Sure, there's such a thing as a "bad-for-you" client. Yes, absolutely.

But  that is NOT what our host is saying here. He's talking about potential customers that can't afford or don't find value in the "Greek Island" prices our host suggests you adopt.

Because you're so brilliant.
And they're so not ready to recognize your brilliance.​

JUST NO. It's true you're probably not charging enough. But that doesn't mean you need to multiply your prices by 5 so you can be "valued" by "good, qualified, non time-wasting" clients so that you can "coach one day a week" (again, a quote).

GOOD GOD. My own pricing is well below market. I know that. I also know how it "looks."

I DON'T CARE. And in case you were wondering, I'm one of the BEST  in the country at what I do.

I raise my prices every 3 months in a measured, logical way. But it is part of my mission to be accessible to the kinds of businesses that matter to me and to the families who run them. 

But enough about legitimate businesses. We're now 45 minutes into the SCAM-inar.

Oh but our host is not done.  Remember he's going to tell you "everything" he knows!

​Truth #3: One-on-one in real life or on the telephone is the only way you're going to land a high-paying coaching client.
​
Problem: This is likely true . That's why the Human is SO important in business! The issue here is that our webinar hosts promises a "Magic" Script (TM, I'm not kidding; There were 8 TMs in this webinar!) that even your kid could use to close a $10,000 deal today.


Well, where has this been hiding for all your life? You can read a SCRIPT and convince a human business to trust you with their livelihood!
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I can't even.
I really can't. 
​
Let's move on.
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At this point, the GoToWebinar farted. I only missed a minute while I logged back in.

But I got an email anyway. "Hey we noticed you left before we shared our secrets for pulling in 5 figures a week with Facebook Ads. Register again."
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Truth #4: You Need Paid Advertising, and Facebook Ads are Your Best Bet
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Problem:  Yes, of course, to BOTH of the above. But this webinar gives you NOTHING to go on. Not even the suggestion to learn for yourself or hire a professional.


Instead, it suggests simply that $300 will get you $2,000 AND 60 email opt-ins.

Dear Jesus, how is a webinar like this even LEGAL? I'll tell you why. He says, "Results are not typical." He says it A LOT.

End game: Before he begins his pitch, our webinar host reaffirms that, "What I've shared in this webinar WILL  get you to 100K a month."

Ummmmm... no. Not even close. The entire "free webinar" was a pitch for everything he left out. But this webinar wasn't meant for me. It was meant for someone who's just starting.

WHICH MAKES ME LIVID.

And there are HUNDREDS of him. Preying on people with real drive, real missions, real businesses, real kids, and real mortgages.

It is PAST TIME we called out these hooligans for what they are. If you're starting or trying to grow a business, listen to the service that HEARS you, not the one that is ready to TELL you what you are and what you SHOULD be doing.

Here's how to know the humans from the systems:
  • Send an email or, better yet, call.
  • Note how long it takes them to respond. Double that response time for an estimate "after you've paid."
  • Look for signs in their response that they care about YOUR business - and not putting their boiler plate on it. (Hint: These signs take the form of questions about your business, not your 'worthiness' for their expertise).
  • Look for signs that they understand the amount of TRUST you are giving them. You're investing in the future of your family and your most precious project. They need to come back with MORE than "Thank you for your business." 

Join me in my Rage against The Systems! Light this post up with your story.
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